Since 1984 the Earth has been perpetually punished by the existence of "Elmo", a self-centered, egotistical tyrant clad in a blood-red pelt.
Over the years Elmo's legend has expanded the world-over and tragically his sadistic and foul cackle has propelled him to iconic muppet status.
"Elmo want this!", "Elmo want that.", "Elmo wrote a song about Elmo.", and on and on...
So, yes, I knew the enemy and he was Elmo .
That's until I met Caillou..
Caillou (KAH- YOO) is an inexplicably-bald, four-year-old weakling who is always ready to cry when challenged, which is constantly because he is ill-equipped to deal with any adversity, great or small.
When Caillou is not sniffling like the planet's biggest b*&@h he is all id-ego, demanding to be included in activities he can't handle and loudly kvetching anytime he does not get his way.
Don't take my word for it, watch him for yourself. Also, his awkwardly French 'Cirque Du Bizarre' theme song is just creepy enough to get you in the killin' Caillou mood.
I was a little nervous calling this blog post "Caillou Must Die" but then I googled it and found that I was nowhere near the first person to use the title. In fact, most "Caillou" search results have something to do with the demise and torture of Caillou.
You parents out there already know all about this sickly-yellow elfling but for the unindoctrinated, prepare for the devil incarnate and its name is Caillou.