I hope you are sitting down. For a great truth has revealed itself and it will change your life.
A new study from England (Steven Hawking is from there so,yeah) claims that drinking heavily does not make men and women drop their standards and hookup with someone they might otherwise find unattractive.
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All the bars and clubs will close as well.
Of course this study is nonsense.
Men know they are physically disgusting creatures and that a woman of sound mind would never venture to be intimate with them. As a matter of fact, up here in the Northeast it might take a drink or two for a young woman to simply be nice to a guy.
A woman's standards must and will drop precipitously after a few cocktails.
Conversely, men will go to bed with a Yeti if they are drunk enough.
So this study is rubbish.
And England is an awful place-They don't have the sun. And they are all very attractive and so there is no need to cloud the judgement with drink.
Case in point.
And guess what......
NOT a doctor.
Actually, Liz Taylor is from England. She was beautiful AND she enjoyed a cocktail or two.
Though the woman who played her in the movie doesn't touch the stuff, I've heard.
But no matter. We all know that because of wonderful cocktails, tonight will be someone's greatest night ever and it will be someone else's greatest nightmare ever.